I'm so sorry.
Passing that point, I lose my mind.
So scared, wallowing in my own fear,
I think I know what I am doing.

I almost handed in the ticket of my life.
I almost threw away the precious gift.
I almost destroyed everything I loved.
I almost drifted off into a starless night.

I came so close, so close to the verge of nothing.
I can still see the fog as the chariot of death halted.
I can still feel the ice consume my body.
I can still hear the cries of protest as death missed me.

I cried a river of regret and thanks.
I cried for everything that wouldn't be.
I cried for myself, and I cried out of thanks.
I cried for the loving hands that inched me forward.

My tears flowed freely down my face.
Hot, they burnt my body as temporary reminders.
They flowed as a sign of fear and compassion.
My tears died and I seemed to want to follow suit.

I'm so scared right now, scared more than ever.
I live in within the city limits of Fear, and I wish to escape.
Each time I get closer to the border, I am reared back fully.
Each time I try and escape, I come closer within the bony fingers.

You were right, you could have, and you almost did.
You came so close to me, you almost defeated me.
I am so sorry, I can't think, you should have taken me.
I don't know where I was, probably somewhere dark.

They say its ok; I get the comfort that is expected.
They say I'm ok; I get the assurance that is expected.
They don't know really, it's just the thing to say.
I'm not ok, so close I came, so close and so far.

I actually met Him today; I seemed to set an appointment.
He is not as nice as He is made out to be.
Cold and unforgiving is His style.
Yet somehow I slipped in between His mechanical grip.

Drifting across the stretch I close my eyes and pray.
There, I dream of the past, and fear of the future.
I don't want to become what has hurt me so.
I don't want to be plucked away in a child's heartbeat.

I don't want to be stuck forever in my nightmare.
I don't wish to lie lifeless in a strip as harps play.
I don't wish to fall willingly to the black river.
Where upon a fleeting instant and I will be consumed

I need to be reminded, I need to escape.
I want nothing more in life than to be left alone.
I wish I could become a rock, and stay here forever.
Let life flow over me and mold me to what it wants.

I'm so sick right now, so disgusted and so afraid.
I want to be stuck down, launched into a vegetable state.
There at least I would no longer face anything.
There the darkness would be accepted and welcomed.

Anything would be welcomed at that moment.
That moment was a red blade cutting into my soul.
A permanent scare, a fault line deep within me.
A wound so deep, that I lose myself in the mere thought of it.

I will try my hardest.
I will work to not hurt any soul that I touch.
I will work to not throw away this golden gift.
Yet I am born of the flesh, and I am made to break.

God, family, friends help me.
Though I feel I can only help myself.
I am lost in a deep dense forest, and I am mute.
Night is falling and my fire is dying with me.

The trees take on the form of what is to take me.
Through my fear they twist and distort.
Through my fear I lose sight of them.
Blind I head forward and almost throw away my life.

Looking back at the moment,
All I can say is I was a scared rabbit.
Eyes wide and blurred, I wished one thing,
To find my hole, and crawl into it forever.

Looking back at the frozen moment,
All I can do is say it wont happen again.
All I can do is promise myself.
All I can do is remind myself.

To everyone I promise to be careful.
To everyone I promise to guard my life.
To everyone I apologize and thank.
To everyone I love and cherish.