There was a time, when I was whole, when I was a speaking, moving mass of collective complicated parts. Yet that time has long gone, blown away in the wind of "maturity". As I grew, parts of me fell apart. I was, in a sense, a machine made for society. As I learned more about my maker, pieces of me began falling, an industrial rain, in this post apocalyptic time. Soon, I found myself becoming a single celled being, and it became clear, that my entire self was becoming a singular state. I was bound to the ground by indestructible chains. A link becomes the minute mixture of few emotions I hold dear, where another becomes a lone brain cell; for all others had been killed off by the pollutant that oozes through the pages of our news. I feel that I am the only ruined robot, though I know this to not be true. On the surface, I make myself to be the munificent machine, to please the masses. It doesn't occur to me, that I couldn't be the only one doing this. Soon I start looking for the clues, for pieces of people that have fallen, yet been carefully brushed to the gutter. I follow the trail, the metallic robotic road, off to despondent castle, and I soon find more and more clues. I see that, here leads to a friends house, and over to the right, leads to another. I find more and more of my friends are just like this and it begins to scare me. Instead of seeking comfort that I'm not alone in this world, that I am no freak from my worries, I seek with drawl, I wish to be the only one suffering these ailments, and that my problems are no reflection of my peers. Unfortunately they are, and I can only hope, that by the time I find this castle I'm walking to, I can wish my way back home, and wake up in a world where all of me is still intact. I hope that my friends will strike down the monsters that wrestle in their mind, and persevere. Yet I fear some will not, and they will, with good intentions, accidentally accept the gracious words of the snake, and slide down its back into the darkest dwellings of the human mind. Where, that person spends time in some demonic isolation box. Though, this is not the only place where isolation exists, it is everywhere. I, we, everyone, seem to be pulling ourselves away from everyone and everything. We seem to have created a pool of our thoughts, and our emotions, and it continues to sit there, evaporating in the desert sun, doomed to forever remain stagnate. We live in a hut that lies deep within a cave forever and a year's travel into the heart of Earth. In this hut, we hear bits and pieces of what is going around above us, yet, the length of our distance acts as a filter, and the news becomes as muddy as our pool. We think we know what is going on, because, through our isolation, our ignorance has grown and we believe that what we hear is the truth. Our Armageddon has already arrived here on Earth, and we were the ones to start it. In our isolation we started the end, an end that can finish and become the beginning. It becomes clear that isn't a global problem, that isn't a physical problem; this is all a personal war in us, and a war we must fight. This is a war that, given the strength that exists in all of us, will be fought, and won.
   Suddenly the isolation hits on a more personal level for me. I isolate myself from the strongest bond that exists between two people. The main reason for this isolation is fear, fear of ultimate rejection, fear of ultimate loss. So, instead of playing my cards, I fold early in the game. I throw across the only currency I have, my love, and the house collects. They take away what was given to me, and something that I should have spent wisely. Mentally I'm broke down and poor, and the inner child within me becomes a homeless person. The place it had lived for so long, where it had been so blindly happy, had disappeared. This inner child had warning on its door, no note saying eviction imminent, all it got was a disappearing trick no Houdini could repeat. This lose I had receive hurts more than emotions I had lost. I wish more than anything, that I could regain my youth, my early youth. Where, the tendrils of today's wicked society could not reach me. In my cocoon of stupidity, I was at least, safe. I find myself willing, to sacrifice all the knowledge I had obtained, all the experience I have felt, to travel back in time, and live in some time loop, where I was forever ignorant. I believe that, once I shed what I had seen, what I had done, and result back into a state of innocence, the disease that runs rampant would no longer plague me. This is all just wishful thinking, and as I look out my window, in my room away from rooms, I stare at the empty sky and find no shooting stars to wish on. I find only infinite darkness, which drowns out my finite light. I wish more now, I wish that I crawl out of this window, out into the great world, and make a deeper contact with every one around me. I wish to destroy that barrier that existed from the point I "grew up" till now. I wish that, instead of communicating through Styrofoam cups and string, I would communicate with everyone personally. Face to face, with no interference from any outside group. More than anything, I want to start everything over yet retain the knowledge I hold on to so loosely. I wish to start from point A, and instead of taking the shortest distance to point C, I want to take the scenic route, maybe go backwards, and hit points Z thru D. I hope that by doing this, by taking my time and by not rushing anything, and using the knowledge I have, I wont arrive at the state I am now. Yet this is just more wishing that will produce no product at the finishing line. This is just more propaganda my mind conjures to keep me going. I will listen to it, and I will believe it. I will try and work from my wishes and every night I will look out that window, for the star that I can wish for. I will wish to wish. I will slowly but surely, pick away at the wall that divides me from the rest. I will slowly but surely dig my way out of the hole I had dug as my home. More than anything, I will rebuild the house in my mind, creating a mansion for my inner child.